Heroes in Hell?

I had a dream the other night. I don't dream often, and I when I do, I don't remember what they were about when I am awake. This dream was so vivid I can remember it in detail even now a few days later. My dream may have slightly been influenced by my watching two of the Lord of the Rings appendices DVDs and by my current family situation...and possibly by a late night chocolate binge.

In my dream I am climbing out of a volcanic, depths of Mordor, hellish place. I am so close to the top, but I keep looking down and seeing the people I love falling and tripping over rocks. I think to myself that they are never going to make it without my help. Some how I am strong enough to climb back down this hellish pit and make it to the first loved one. They won't listen to me! I tell them I've made it to the top, but they won't listen. I desperately go to each loved one and none will listen to me. Heart broken, I climb, crying the whole way, back to the top. I reach it, but look down again and realize I cannot leave them behind, but the urge to get out of there was just as strong.

That was my dream. I have since re-played it in my mind and thought about it these last few nights. I have been wrestling with this dilemma for a long time. I am a product of a culture where no one gets left behind, you man up and be the hero, you save the day. That is good and fine in a military sense, but what about in the spiritual sense? In my dream I am struggling with being the hero or saving myself. This has haunted me and this is why I am up at 1:00 am writing it all out.

A few moments ago, before I got out of bed, I think I heard God's answer. He doesn't need a hero, he wants me. I can't wrap my head around that. For most of my life, but especially this last year I have been trying to save everyone around me... well God asked for his job back. I can't be the hero when the world has already been saved. You would think this would be easy to grasp, and though it does take weight off, I still struggle with wanting to be the hero. Hmm... this is probably why Romans 12:2 is my 'theme' verse lately. I need a transformation by the renewing of my mind. God's ways certainly are not my ways.