Blog Neglect

I am a bad blogger. But I have an excuse, I am in college. So there.

Maybe over Fall Break I will do something on here.

Hopefully there is not a "Blogger Services" people can report me to.

Verse that has been on my mind lately...as in we talked about it last night at group:

1 Corinthians 2:14-16 focusing on the last part of 16
"But we have the mind of Christ."

A Thousand Questions

Last Sunday we watched this video in church, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I called my pastor up and asked for it's name, but I couldn't wait for a response so I asked a friend for the title and googled it. It is brilliantly put together and is well... really challenging to me becuase I have a 1000 questions too. The end of the video is what I have really been grappling with, do I live my life saying "Here am I, send me?" and believing that there is more going on than I can see?

Third Day's "Born Again"

Press play below and listen to a most wonderfully uplifting song.

Most pointless blog yet

As the title already claims this post is pointless so please feel free to ignore it. I just feel the urge to get back to blogging but have nothing important to write.

The following statements are going to be of whatever I think of:

My wonderfully hard working momma is outside edging the yard. (its like a jungle!)

I can't get some of Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long songs out of my head. Thank you Brian and Abbi S.

I am reading Mere Christianity...so good. (*lightbulb flash* that's what I can write about!)

I can't believe it is in the mid 70's on July 5th.

The sound of a weed-whacker and edger thingy are really funny, though they almost are trying to harmonize.

My chigger bites no longer itch. (yay!)

I have a really bad bathing suit tanning line thanks to 5 hours of canoeing.

Icecream trucks are very scary and their music makes it worse. And why are they always driven by scary looking men?

I..I... have no more thoughts....

Lost in Transition

My two handsome brothers both graduated (High School and Middle School) this past weekend. I can't believe how old they are getting (which just means I am getting old too! yikes!). Notice I left out how mature they are becoming, maybe one day I can add that part in :) What is fun is that the two group pics are with two 8th grade teachers that all 5 of us have had. Tim got the award of the "Last of the great (our last name) Dynasty!" Poor Tim, as he enters High school, that's only going to get worse "Oh, you must be another one."

My family is in for another summer of transitions. Stephen enters the NAVY, I move out, and we all move on with life. It will be good but to be honest transitions are never easy. Life is not easy, an overused cliche, but completely relevant. I have been thinking about that lately. This culture is in hot pursuit of the American dream. I love this song by one of my favorite bands, Switchfoot:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oi8CznEC3qw

The chorus is what gets me and is kind of what I want my summer 'theme' to be. I was all ready to plan out my summer how I wanted it to look like, to redeem it in a sense from last years summer. I was really challenged to not look at this as my time, my day, my week, my summer. How can I make others successful and spend my time learning and hanging out with God? I want 'my' summer to be opposite, to be God's summer that I get the chance to live out beside him. To transition well and move along God's path for those who want to live.

I want out of this machine
It doesn't feel like freedom

This ain't my American dream
I want to live and die for bigger things
I'm tired of fighting for just me
This ain't my American dream

1,2,3,4

On my quest for music to put on my new playlist (check it out to on the right!) I found this:




And I am quite pleased with myself for figuring out how to add 'gadgets' and embed that video all by myself!

According to Drew...

I teach 2nd and 3rd graders at my church. I am seriously considering video taping them each week because they are the greatest and the things they say! This past Sunday was no exception. Usually its Jeremiah reading us a story from his gross out bible for boys (king Herod getting eaten by worms, and other savory stories). But this week was Drew's turn. He usually has something brilliant to say but this one is tops.

Miss Angela did you know that there are three answers to life's questions?

No Drew I did not know this, what are they?

Well, the first one is kinda obvious, its God/Jesus. You know they made everything and this covers most answers especially in church. The second answer is letters or mathematics, you can make anything with letters and numbers to come up with the answer needed, this is handy in school. (let me remind you drew is 9 years old!) And the last one, my personal favorite, is cows.

(trying to keep my composure becuase he was dead serious) Cows? Really, how are they an answer?

(shocked) Do you know how important cows are to our economy and environment? They provide us with beef and milk. And if we didn't have beef then the lunch ladies couldn't serve us hamburgers and milk and then they would be mean. And if lunch stinks then the whole day stinks and if the whole day stinks then school is bad and if school is bad than you will just drop out and.............(he goes on for a while) Cows are a great answer.

I really had no response to this, trying to bring class together was impossible at this point. So we played hangman until their parents came. This is typically how my class goes :) I love every minute of it.

Wisdom from Clive : )

"The real test of being in the presence of God is, that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether." -C.S. Lewis

That really struck me. I have always thought it is better to see myself as the fallen, too dirty for his light to get through, messed up creature. But its quite the opposite. I need to forget myself entirely.

This will take some getting used to. I have put myself as the main character in this story, but that's deceiving. God is everything, He is center. Yet he has a part for each of us included in this story.

Balance. I don't know how to balance forgetting myself, knowing God loves me, fearing God because he should be feared, talking with God as my closest friend becuase he cares.

"Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea." -Micah 7:18-19

"I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know. You said, 'Listen now, and I will speak; I will question you, my ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes." -Job 42:1-6

"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." -1 John 4:8

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." -1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

God is not the worlds definition of love, he has his own. Incredible.

(forgive the randomness of this post, I am not able to put much editorial gusto behind my thoughts right now...finals are in two weeks.)

Heroes in Hell?

I had a dream the other night. I don't dream often, and I when I do, I don't remember what they were about when I am awake. This dream was so vivid I can remember it in detail even now a few days later. My dream may have slightly been influenced by my watching two of the Lord of the Rings appendices DVDs and by my current family situation...and possibly by a late night chocolate binge.

In my dream I am climbing out of a volcanic, depths of Mordor, hellish place. I am so close to the top, but I keep looking down and seeing the people I love falling and tripping over rocks. I think to myself that they are never going to make it without my help. Some how I am strong enough to climb back down this hellish pit and make it to the first loved one. They won't listen to me! I tell them I've made it to the top, but they won't listen. I desperately go to each loved one and none will listen to me. Heart broken, I climb, crying the whole way, back to the top. I reach it, but look down again and realize I cannot leave them behind, but the urge to get out of there was just as strong.

That was my dream. I have since re-played it in my mind and thought about it these last few nights. I have been wrestling with this dilemma for a long time. I am a product of a culture where no one gets left behind, you man up and be the hero, you save the day. That is good and fine in a military sense, but what about in the spiritual sense? In my dream I am struggling with being the hero or saving myself. This has haunted me and this is why I am up at 1:00 am writing it all out.

A few moments ago, before I got out of bed, I think I heard God's answer. He doesn't need a hero, he wants me. I can't wrap my head around that. For most of my life, but especially this last year I have been trying to save everyone around me... well God asked for his job back. I can't be the hero when the world has already been saved. You would think this would be easy to grasp, and though it does take weight off, I still struggle with wanting to be the hero. Hmm... this is probably why Romans 12:2 is my 'theme' verse lately. I need a transformation by the renewing of my mind. God's ways certainly are not my ways.

ScrewTape on Humility

I have slowly been reading The ScrewTape Letters by C.S. Lewis. I like how short each letter is, so I can read one or two and reflect on them for a while. I don't have a whole lot to say becuase I can't say it any better than Lewis;

To set things up; ScrewTape is the uncle to Wormwood, a demon trying to converting 'patients' from the Enemy (God) over to their Lord. These excerpts are from Letter XIV.

You must therefore conceal from the patient the true end of Humility. Let him think of it not as self-forgetfulness but as a certain kind of opinion (namely, a low opinion) of his own talents and character... Fix in his mind the idea that humility consists in trying to believe those talents to be less valuable than he believes them to be... The great thing is to make him value an opinion for some quality other than truth, thus introducing an element of dishonesty and make-believe into the heart of what otherwise threatens to become a virtue.

By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools... The Enemy wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another, The Enemy wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbour's talents-- or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall. He wants each man, in the long run, to be able to recognise all creatures (even himself) as glorious and excellent things.

He wants to kill their animal self-love as soon as possible; but it is His long-term policy, I fear, to restore to them a new kind of self-love--a charity and gratitude for all selves, including their own; when they have really learned to love their neighbours as themselves, they will be allowed to love themselves as their neighbours. For we must never forget what is the most repellent and inexplicable trait in our Enemy; He really loves the hairless bipeds He has created and always gives back to them with His right hand what He has taken away with His left.

Hospitals of Hope

check it out: http://www.hospitalsofhope.org/index.htm

Went to their banquet last night...amazing what this small organization is doing on a global level.

The Importance of Knees

Silly title I know, but I like silly titles. I also like my knees, they are very useful and serve many noble purposes but until two nights ago, I was unaware of the most noble one.

After a long and tiring day (some day I hope to not keep using those words in conjunction with school) at the hospital I come home around 11pm and dragged myself downstairs to my room, and got ready for bed. But instead of crawling into bed after I turn the lights off, I felt this pressing need to kneel beside my bed before I got in. At this point I was kinda 'prayed-out', not that I think there is such a thing, but I was out of words. So I just knelt and thanked God for the day, it really was a great day since I had spent it with the creator of the universe. Not every day you get to say that...oh wait, yes we can!

I think there was something deep stirred inside of me when I knelt, I am not sure exactly what happened, but it was a powerful, solid shift in the way I want to offer up my prayers. Granted I can't kneel in my car which is where I pray in the mornings, but I can end my day by humbly entering in my King's presence. See, I have not been sleeping well for quite a while now, my brain simply can't unwind and it wants to process everything which is just too much. After talking with some friends about this, they suggested that I change my patterns before bed to make God the last thing on my mind. So I did pray about it but then continued to do what I always did, until Tuesday. God intervened on my behalf and is showing me how to do that. How great is that? He really does show us the way we should live, knees to the floor and hearts in his hands.

The Pursuit of Pursuing

Honestly, do professors have nothing better to do than sit around and think of the most ridiculous schedules they can inflict on their students? 8 hours of lecture and then trudging over to the hospital to get your assingment (which takes almost 2 hours to do all the paper work) for the next two days of 7 hours clinicals is my idea of a great Monday... yeah. not so much.

Since I was sick this weekend, I did not get my usual things done, organized, and mentally rested/prepared for the week to come. Plus, I missed work and church. I really dislike starting the week off feeling I am already behind. Maybe that's why I am irritated, or maybe I am still upset that I had to park down and across the street since WSU had blocked off half of the parking lot in front of Ahlberg (for those that don't understand what a travesty this is ask me about parking at WSU sometime). But I realized something today. I have a goal to be a nurse, and I am pursuing it. I was thinking about what it takes to pursue something. It takes endurance to make it to the end, patience to deal with the side paths taken (willingly or unwillingly), perspective to 'see' the goal when it is not visible, faith to stumble along when its dark, and humility to realize you can't do it on your own.

I get on a path of grumbling when I don't like the classes I have to be in, on another path of self-pity/self-loathing when I don't get things right the first time, and on yet another path of questioning if I was even on the right path to start the pursuit in the first place! So I declared today that I would begin to ask God to show me the way he has chosen and to get off my own little circular paths, becuase if I really believe that he is who he says he is, then what's my problem? Oh, yeah I am human and I wear out.

Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
-Isaiah 48:28-31

Pharaoh comes for a visit

I can't even remember the last time I was sick. But yesterday starting at 1:30 am reminded me. I had never heard the expression 'did you do the pharaoh?' until some friends who had been overseas told me. Well, I did the pharaoh, and I would very much like to not do it again. For those of you who don't know what the pharaoh is, let me enlighten you. Its when you have stuff coming out both ends and the same time. yuck. Anyways, I am done with the vomiting and hopefully after following the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast) I should eliminate the diarrhea. In the mean time, my temperature is returning to normal andmy youngest brother is sick so now I get to take care of him.

I don't write this just to share that I am sick. As always God is teaching me something. I don't like being sick, not even a little bit, because it makes me weak, and I have issues with being weak. I was so weak yesterday I had to ask my mom to help me walk the twenty feet or so from my bedroom to the couch downstairs so I could watch TV, which I did for the next 10 hours. Thank you CSI New York for being a marathon and filling my day. I am learning that in being weak, physically, mentally or emotionally, I have to lean on God even more. That is what I want, to lean into him, but why does it have to come with being weak? I already know the answer to that, but it is hard for my brain to wrap around. His grace is sufficient for me and his power is made perfect in my weakness. I never thought I would want a life of being weak, but I am starting to see how being strong isnt always the best way. It is nice to let someone help me and lead the way to the couch of recovery and rest.

My AA meeting??

For my Mental Health class this semester, my fellow nurses-to-be and I will need to attend an AA meeting to see what it is like. I haven't picked a date out but I will soon and I will update everyone on how this goes.

My real reason for writing this post is to parallel my soon to be AA meeting with my weekly bible study. I love my group of girls, I look forward to going and sharing with them each week. After taking Mental Health orientation and reflecting on my little knowledge of what AA meetings are, I began to see that my bible study nights are my personal AA meetings. I am addicted to Christ, the world sees that as a problem, so I need support. Unlike in AA, I will not 'recover' from my addiction, if anything I pray it gets worse! One can only hope :)

Painted Skies

Last Friday as I drove home from Minnesota after five wonderful days of visiting some friends, I could not help myself as I got my camera out and snapped a few shots of the gorgeous sky before me. The Lord had painted the sky so beautifully that day as if it were just for me. I had a lot of things on my mind, but mostly I was thinking about what kind of life God has planned for me. I know he has plans to prosper me and not to harm me, he plans to give me a hope and a future...but no where in that verse does it say that I get to know these plans right away! And that tends to be my problem, I want to know his plans now not later. Yet, at the same time I know his timing truly is perfect and cannot be rushed even if I desperately want to know now!

I don't make New Year's Resolutions, but I do reflect over the past year and look forward to what is ahead in the new year and try to think of things I want to accomplish, and see changed in my life. Since I am a slight perfectionist, my list is usually very long, but this year I simplified:

1. To love my God
2. To be loved by my God
3. To know my God
4. To share my God

I have a hundred more goals but I think they all fit nicely into those four areas. 2008 was a most difficult year and I don't know what 2009 will hold, but I do know that I will not live one day outside His love, His will or His presence. I may not feel those things, but I believe deep in my heart what it says in Romans 8:38. I pray that we all will come to a deeper realization of how true that is, nothing can separate us from God's love. Even a simple gesture of painting the sky shows me that my Father knows how to love me perfectly and knows what I need even before I need it. Now that is worthy of the word 'awesome'.